Lately I have noticed a particular kind of feeling. And thinking, too. They must be related to one another, because one comes after the next.
I'm miles and miles from many of whom I love and cherish. Phone dates, blog posts, emails, and Facebook updates are what sustains these relationships and what has (for the time being) become the medium for sharing life together when time zones and state lines are in the way.
I miss face to face coffee dates, side by side walks through the park, and meals shared across the table from one another. I ache for the spontaneous laughter that friends bring, to be able to know by the look in another’s eye that they are hurting— all of the everyday complexities of life that are absent from the here and now of my daily life.
In the meantime, I try (sometimes desperately) to remember the ebb and flow that is life, to look forward to new seasons of love and laughter that are soon to come with these who are beloved.
In the meantime, there is this sense. I'd like to think I have ESP. But I'm more inclined to believe the Meyers-Briggs test and say that it’s most likely intuition.
Lately, I find myself actively thinking and wandering about it my brain about people and places and sensing events that may be happening to those particular people. Maybe it’s just timing or maybe it’s because all the faces and images I see daily via Facebook that I am remembering people near and far? Maybe I’m merely a decent guesser? Whatever the trigger, I often trace the remembering, the sensing, the speculating to a deeper sense or set of feelings that seem to come from a safe place of intuition. It's a place within that remembers honest conversations, moments of vulnerability, and trusting my instincts about myself and my relationships.
Remembering the depth and breadth of these relationships makes my inclinations and hunches feel all the more trustworthy and reliable. I don’t so much speculate about how someone is doing, but try to let that sense push me to reach out across the void that is the United States and pick up the phone. Granted, intuition doesn’t always lead to action. But I’m trying to at least pay attention to these little moments of wandering, these thoughts and feelings that so often seem fleeting and insignificant, and use this sense to help guide me just a bit deeper into life and moments of meaning.
Remembering the depth and breadth of these relationships makes my inclinations and hunches feel all the more trustworthy and reliable. I don’t so much speculate about how someone is doing, but try to let that sense push me to reach out across the void that is the United States and pick up the phone. Granted, intuition doesn’t always lead to action. But I’m trying to at least pay attention to these little moments of wandering, these thoughts and feelings that so often seem fleeting and insignificant, and use this sense to help guide me just a bit deeper into life and moments of meaning.
Right now, it’s friends who are pregnant, friends in love, friends searching for love, friends who feel aimless, friends blissfully unaware. Friends in silence, friends in pain, myself in silence, myself living in midst of pain. And how we are all connected, how the threads wind and weave in the silence, in the darkness; to see that which is hidden in the lines.
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